EssaGandana

[EssaGandana]

[secretlypeerless-cucumber]

During an intersect event Shen Qingqiu is poisoned. How do we know he was poisoned? Because the dumbass that did it immediately jumped from the public to gloat about it.

The CQM delegation promptly then grabbed their unluckiest peak lord and dipped back home to try and not have him die. (They also grabbed the dude that poisoned him, to get info on the poison and all that)

It's supossed to steal half of a person's lifespan; and as Shen Qingqiu has lived for a while the dude thinks it will just kill the Lord. It doesn't do that thought... It splits the Lord into two young adults, each half of Shen Qingqiu's age. They are both fucking confused and looking at the other wide eyed.

SQQ#1 blinks and ask everyone to leave. SQQ#2 just agrees when asked by the other peak lords. It's an exercise in patience to get Yue Big-Brother-Extraordinaire Qingyuan to leave his favorite shidi who suddenly multiplied. He is rabid. Overdosing on shidi.

Shen Yuan is both terrified and ecstatic to be free from SQQ's fate, but also guilty? of leaving the other to deal with it. He's 90% sure the other SQQ is the original goods.

Shen Jiu is just looking at the body-snatcher, trying to decide whether to kill the other or kidnap him to keep such a wonderful teacher for his peak. Finally, someone to deal with the brats.

SY: Well, sorry for stealing your body, my bad. I will now leave you to-

And SY gets grabbed by the scruff and forced to spill all his secrets. The system doesn't register SJ as a separate entity so they are free to converse and make plans. By the time the other peaklords (mainly YQY, QQQ, and WQW) come back for gossip the Shens are gossiping about them and sharing some little cakes with their tea. BFFs.

Oh, they are 100% roasting eachother. Don't mind them too much, they are trying to decide who gets to be the older one and thus the one in charge.

Next

[EssaGandana]

[headspace-hotel]

Anyway the thought about Christianity was a tangent, I was actually thinking about ranking Fall Out Boy songs by how far back in time you could go before the lyrics were completely unintelligible due to untranslatable cultural differences.

[headspace-hotel]

"Uma Thurman" is partially unintelligible even to me (I have next to no idea who Uma Thurman is) but I feel like it would be a good example to help explain what cultural Christianity is, because the amount of song lyrics that would make zero sense if you didn't know what Christianity was is always way higher than you think it is

[headspace-hotel]

This is also a good exercise in estimating just how much we, as modern readers, are missing in ancient texts

Imagine explaining this to an ancient Sumerian. They don't have July, let alone the Fourth of it, and the significance of that date and the connection to fireworks requires you to explain everything from gunpowder to the concept of a nation.

[headspace-hotel]

I like "This is a black, black ski mask song" from Novocaine because even a historian that knew what skiing was might not necessarily know what the significance of a ski mask is here.

[headspace-hotel]

"I Don't Care" is almost timeless though. I'm pretty sure an ancient Roman would "get" most of it.

Same with "Alone Together." "My heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broke in?" Perfectly understandable for someone a couple thousand years ago.

"The Mighty Fall" is an interesting case because you could envision trying to explain "Your crooked love is just a pyramid scheme" to an ancient Egyptian

[headspace-hotel]

Trying to do this with Owl City makes you appreciate just how MUCH clever wordplay is in Owl City lyrics, because you're like "SO MUCH would definitely get completely lost in any attempt to translate, but I can't even break it all down"

owl city lyrics have a habit of punning on idioms, which probably is the worst for historical longevity. In "Plant Life" there's the lyric "new leaf turns over, unwilling to fall" which is referring to the speaker's reluctance to let go of the past and move on. this is both playing with the idiom "turn over a new leaf" meaning to start something new, and creating the image of a literal leaf reluctant to fall from the tree (as leaves do in fall, as part of the natural progression of seasons).

Also from the song Plant Life

so, there's "spirit" and "ghost," but neither actually mean in context the same thing that they mean when they do mean they same thing, and "pull off your sheet," which is a reference to sheets being used as a ghost costume. then there is the concept of a "teddy [bear]" and "grin and bear it" which is punning on "teddy" referencing a bear. this is kind of brilliant but incomprehensible

Would the wordplay in "Get me out of this cavern or I'll cave in" in "Cave In" necessarily be intelligible when translated for a future historian or person from the distant past

By the way, Cave In is at the top of my minecraft themed playlist because it mentions the largest number of things that are in Minecraft that I have found in a song

[headspace-hotel]

You'll have the most fun if you assume that what technology is and does can be explained to your listener, and focus purely on cultural and linguistic barriers

In the song "Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga, knowing what a garage is and is for does not help you understand what it means to be "garage glamorous" at all.

Sometimes the barrier isn't not knowing what something is, it's knowing what something is like.

Speaking of Lady Gaga, Poker Face is great for this

[headspace-hotel]

Listen, *I* barely know how poker is played. But I still know that the first line references a variant (?) of poker called Texas hold 'em. There are so many double meanings here. "After he's been hooked" probably references gambling, and "I'll play the one that's on his heart" references the fact that "hearts" are one of the four suits in traditional playing cards.

Imagine not knowing any of this. Now imagine knowing all of this—does that actually let you understand what a "poker face" is?

I go back in time, I try to show an ancient Sumerian some bangers from the future, I end up stuck explaining the complex legal and cultural status of gambling in the United States, fuck time travel honestly

[headspace-hotel]

Songs that make roughly the same amount of sense to nearly everyone regardless of their position in history

• almost everything by Cosmo Sheldrake
• the devil went down to georgia (look, this story conceptually has nothing to do with the Christian Devil specifically and everything to do with a type of folklore character who is just Like That)
• Hurt by Johnny Cash (i know it's a cover, I don't care)
• American Pie by Don McLean (come on, does ANYONE actually understand this song?)
• Bohemian Rhapsody
• About Damn Time by Lizzo
• Boom Clap by Charli XCX

[headspace-hotel]

It helps that most songs throughout history are about roughly the same things:

• the level of partying and getting lit that will happen tonight will be greater than it ever has been before
• a hot girl was dancing and it blew all of our minds
• There was a guy that did so much crazy stuff and boy was he a guy
• I met a fucked up guy who was dead or a demon or something
• I went to a fucked up place that was haunted or something
• my lover's butt is just the best
• we're drinking SO much alcohol
• I miss my lover, who is not with me right now, so much and I'm sitting here thinking of holding them but I can't and it's making me SO sad
• You broke my heart and I hate you now 
• I can't wait to get back to the land that is my home
• There was a hot girl one time and trust me, she was really something
• this job sucks
• What if [completely nonsensical scenario]

[headspace-hotel]

See this is fascinating because we're already leaving the time in history where people understand things like "meaner than a junkyard dog" but the Archetype still works

"You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC has some specific cultural references, but people throughout history would Get It okay

[headspace-hotel]

what's being highlighted here I think is "technical meaning is understandable, but emotional/thematic meaning is completely obscure" untranslatable things vs. "technical meaning is obscure but the song still Hits" untranslatable

I think "fast car" by tracy chapman could make sense to someone who doesn't actually know what a car is. Like, it's clear from context regardless that the car is a symbol for the opportunity to escape the circumstances you were born into and feel trapped in

[headspace-hotel]

Oh yeah i could write an essay about how Adam Young has a specifically autistic way of writing lyrics

[EssaGandana]

[kawareo]

Got reminded again of my old coworker who was a massive misogynist but also trans inclusive. Told me he believed trans women are indeed women because "only women would be stupid enough to want to be women"

I wonder what he's doing now

[kawareo]

He also aggressively corrected himself whenever he accidentally misgendered a trans guy we knew because "there's already more women than men in the world, the more numbers we steal from them, the better." Did that even when the trans guy wasn't around.

[kawareo]

I need to point out that he was completely serious btw. This man had no sense of humor if he tried.

He was a cook at the restaurant/bar I was a bartender at, and almost punched a costumer once because he overheard him talking about how women belong in the kitchen. Told me he thought women should stay out of kitchens, that cooking is a man's job and when I asked him what he thinks women should be doing, he went quiet for a moment, then proceeded to explain to me the following

"I trust a bitch to run a kitchen as much as she can run a country, they should do shit like plumbing. Or electricity. Something you can just learn to do and don't need to lead, you know?"

Apparently women are good at "fixing shit". He claimed that he doesn't trust male plumbers or electricians except if they're gay because "something most be wrong with you if you want to go fix other people's houses, that's that maternal instinct"

[kawareo]

Love that you guys seem to like the stories about my Guy, here's another. (also for context i need to say that english is not the language he spoke, and when i say 'fag', i'm using it for our version of the slur. Our Guy insisted that that's just how you call gay people in our language (it isn't))

We had an openly gay coworker who looked like it (crop tops, dyed hair, make-up) and he was often harassed by the waiters from the football bar next door. The gay dude had the same name as the Guy, who insisted that we would specify the he isn't gay, so they just became "Name" and "Not Gay Name". He was fine with that.

Oh he also once went on a rant about how he respects our gay coworker more than "those other fags" because "at least he has the balls to look like a fag, yknow? None of that sneaky shit where you can't tell if they're trying to fuck you or your girlfriend." When I then told him I was bi, he looked me over and called me some slurs before telling me that I don't need to rub it in that I can get both. Then he asked me if I think he's hot and when I told him no, he informed me I should stick with women because I clearly have shit taste.

[kawareo]

He once accidentally bullied one of our younger waitresses out of an early eating disorder she was developing before working there (she told me about it after)

Boss gave us one meal from the menu a day as a job bonus, and we had this very shy seventeen year old working with us who was already nervous around men, but Our Guy was a 6'3 dude who only stopped yelling and cursing when he was not speaking at all. If he was the one cooking that day, he'd peek out of the kitchen an hour before he'd start closing it up, and would shout at you if you haven't ordered your meal yet because he hated cooking once he already cleaned. The waitress was scared shitless of him, and so whenever he would yell at her to "fucking order already", she'd panic and just pick something.

She didn't eat much but the first time she tried to throw out almost the whole plate, he got so personally insulted that he berated her for not picking something she'd like, and demanded to know what he did wrong. He got really upset about apparently not being able to cook something that this kid would like and I'm pretty sure he started putting in extra effort to make sure she would eat it this time? It lead to him quite literally standing over her like a hawk when she ate to "see her reaction" and demand an immediate review to see what he can improve.

She later told me that it she was so scared and awkward around him back then that it kind of overrode her fear of food, and that she still sometimes pretends she's back there, when she feels a bad episode coming on, so. He did do something good for the world i guess

[kawareo]

Our Guy met a nonbinary person once when my friend came to visit me at work. He was just on a smoke break so I had to introduce them and when I said "They're visiting" he got confused and asked us how many people are there (and then threatened murder if they dare order something while he's on a break). I had to explain this man what a nonbinary person is, he thought about it for a second, called the whole thing "fucking stupid, there ain't that shit in nature" and then proceeded to very mockingly refer to them as (our language equivalent of) "your majesty" and use the pronouns you use for people you're supposed to respect (which is genderless and very formal)

My friend thought he was really funny before I explained to them that I'm pretty sure he thought he was being mean (but hey he it wasn't misgendering so yay)

Then (after his break) they ordered a vegan sandwich and we heard him cussing them out about how "they should pick a fucking struggle". Later I asked him about it and got told that "how much shit can you deny yourself? Cheese, gender, the fuck's next?"

[EssaGandana]

Anonymous asked:

Any (sfw) ironstrange fic refs?

lilbitofmac answered:

Sorry for the late response on this— my memory is always pretty spotty, so I have trouble recalling good fics to recommend!

I’ll give you a top ten request, how about that? These are all AO3 fics!

End of Infinity by FriendlyNeighborhoodFangirls — I feel like if you’re a big shipper of ironstrange, you’ve gotta check out this absolute masterpiece of a fic!! It’s a suuuper slowburn, clocking in at 291+ chapters and still ongoing. Normally, I don’t read fics that aren’t finished, but trust me this one had me sobbing for days. Check out their other works, as well!!

The Blood in Your Veins by Aelaer — Wowowow, this fic absolutely shook me to my core. If you’re okay with some heavy angst, I would 10000% recommend this. Aelaer’s writing is so engaging and the care and understanding they have of Stephen and Tony’s perspectives and motivations are *chef’s kiss* Also, any fic that can actually make me care about the original characters within it? Automatically raises my respect for them.

The Sorcerer of Ephemeral Colors by Imagined — I LOVE FANTASY AUs FOR THIS SHIP!!!! Mage Stephen and Prince Tony go together so fucking well, I could go absolutely insane UGGHH!! This is another big boy fic, but the progression and story-telling, as well as the world-building are done so well!! If you like Fantasy AUs, you’ll love this fic!

(Sober) Companion by funkylittleidiot — It’s been a minute since I read this one, but I was thinking about picking it up again! Another AU fic, this time No Powers with the twist of Stephen helping people recover from their addictions! I wasn’t so sure about the premise at first, but honestly I loved how the author handled the subject matter from what I can remember. Heavy on the Tony angst. I really just love fics where Stephen takes care of Tony =w=;; I think this one is sfw? I really need to reread it 😅

The One to Bet On by airas_story — UGHHHH I LOVE THEIR WORK SO MUCH!!!! This is another fic that’s still ongoing! I am absolutely a SUCKER for time traveler Tony. It is so interesting to see what he does in the past to fix the future, and so far I’m really enjoying where they’re taking the story! Check out their other fics, as well, if you enjoy this one!!

Embers by surveycorpsjean — Idk man this is just a soft fic with these two 🥺💕 Steve and the other Avengers do make an appearance; there’s no character bashing or anything like that, but they don’t take up too much time in the fic! Stephen is just so smitten in this, and I absolutely adore it. Also another author you should check out their other works!

A witch’s cat by harpywrites — TONY GETS STEPHEN A CAT, AND ITS THE CUTEST THING EVER UGGHHH!!! Such a soft, feel-good fic, I absolutely love how Harpy writes Tony here. Seriously, if you just want a quick fic to make you smile, this is the one for you. If you want some heavy Stephen angst, though, check out the rest of Harpy’s works!! She loves to torture the poor sorcerer 💀

dream a little dream of me by DarkKitty1208 — You asked for sfw fics, so I’m not sure how deep angst can get before you call it quits? But if you’re cool with it, I highly recommend this one. Heavy Stephen angst with Tony helping him through his struggles; the imagery in this fic is stunning!!! Kitty has a very good understanding of Stephen and his struggles, so it’s super engaging to see this man trying and failing to cope with his demons! If you want more Stephen angst, check out Kitty’s LIBRARY of fics. Stephen never catches a break istg.

The Affection Thief by airas_story — I’m cheating by including them again on this list, but mostly it’s because I’ve run out of sfw fics 😅 THIS ONE IS SO DAMN CUTE!!!! Stephen gets turned into a cat and shenanigans ensue!! It’s such a simple concept, but the way my heart melted at how they wrote Stephen in this *sobs*

Annnd I’ll cheat for the final one, too.

Prophets in the Graveyard by FriendlyNeighborhoodFangirls — Another Fantasy AU fic because god I can’t get enough of them!!! This time with a murder mystery twist ohohoho! Another long boy with a slowburn because I love to torture myself in the best of ways. Again, this author just handles world-building, pacing, and characterization so so so fucking beautifully in their works. If you haven’t read from them, I beg of you to check out their fics!!

(Honorable Mention: you should absolutely also check out atypicalsnowman’s collection of works. I particularly love their “whatever souls are made of” fic, but it does have eventual smut!! Just seeing how Stephen and Tony would navigate a situation where they use a soul bond to defeat Thanos is ugghh so good.)

[EssaGandana]

archiveofourown.org

play with fire and expect to get burnt - DarkKitty1208 - Marvel Cinematic Universe [Archive of Our Own]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Organization for Transformative Works

[darkkitty1208]

@febuwhump

*shuffles to the middle of the stage and taps on the mic a couple of times* uh, *taps again* does this thing work? Right, okay. Um, so *claps hands together* I have come here today for a very very, very very special announcement. It is with great honour I announce that, err… probably a thousand years ago today, our dear, dear, lovely @lilbitofmac has been given birth. And so today we shall celebrate their birthday, as they are getting older than they already are. Anyway. *clears throat* *takes out a bunch of cards* No… done that bit. *flips it over* done that bit… *flips* that bit as well… *flip flip flip* *gives up and throws it into the air* Alright just– gift! Right. Here – *gestures vaguely around fic* for you, my love.

Happy birthday. xoxo 

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Iron Man (Movies), Doctor Strange (Movies)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Characters: Tony Stark, Stephen Strange, Tiberius Stone
Additional Tags: Kidnapping, Kidnapped Tony Stark, Hurt Tony Stark, Protective Stephen Strange, Torture, Waterboarding, Ambiguous/Open Ending
Series: Part 6 of Febuwhump 2023
Summary:

Tony gets kidnapped by Tiberius Stone.

Febuwhump Day 6: Shackled 

[lilbitofmac]

Stephen may or may not forget the Hippocratic oath when it comes to rescuing his favorite genius…

[EssaGandana]

[greentrickster]

Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retriever’s kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, she’s into the clean-cut earnest look.

At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown…?

Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, they’re not supposed to actually like each other-!

[chucktaylorupset]

respective friend groups undergoing culture clash like all of prince charming’s knights are like what vile spell has been used to ensorcel our prince.  we must be on our guard for surely this is but a ruse for an assassination attempt

meanwhile the villain bride’s friends are all like clearly he loves you not, why do you persist in a manner that will ensure your own heart break, i mean if he was taking this seriously there would be at least three assassination attempts by now.  it’s like he doesn’t even notice that you have massive amounts of dark power to covet for his own

smashcut to

fully armored knight, clanging through the hallways in attempts at stealth, blades drawn: i’m just saying, i took an oath of protection.  this feels wrong.

prince charming: it’s not wrong, it’s celebrating cross cultural traditions for my beloved bride

knight: it’s attempted murder

prince charming: it’s a loving attempted murder

[greentrickster]

@chucktaylorupset  Meanwhile the bride has a bouquet of roses, cornflowers, and wheat sheaves on her desk in her room, and she’s not coming out until she’s written a beautiful and moving poem about how they favourably compare to her groom. It’s been three days. She’s gone through an entire raven’s worth of quills (unethically sourced). The ‘toads who used to be my friends’ list has gone up by one. But she’s bent dark forces and eldritch spirits to her will and, by the powers obscene, this will not be the thing that breaks her.

Sorceress friend: Please, just get him an amulet that will double his power at the cost of his soul, no one’s worth this.

Rebellious villainess: (nearly in tears) No, he brought his best knights to the castle and tried to kill me last week, at midnight, I can’t ignore something like that! He even kicked Cathulhu!

Sorceress friend: He nudged it with his foot. And then he apologized to it. In tears.

Rebellious villainess: (actually in tears now, for reasons of feels instead of poetic torment) He’s trying so hard!!!

[greentrickster]

Villainess: Beloathed, I need a goat.

Prince: Of course, darling - may I inquire as to what for?

Villainess: Blood sacrifice to the dark gods, you know how it is.

Prince: …

Prince: …darling, you know I support your lifestyle choices, but I must say this before it potentially happens.

Prince: I’m not all right with human sacrifice. That’s one of my boundaries. I don’t know if you do that or not, but it seemed a topical time to bring it up.

Villainess: (carefree laugh) Oh beloathed, don’t worry yourself about such things, I would never!

Villainess: (leading him off to the goat market) Only incompetents use actual humans. Skilled practitioners of the dark arts know that a goat is not only a sufficient sacrifice, but the superior one.

Prince: You don’t say? Fascinating!

[greentrickster]

@sapphire-monkey One of the nobles against the marriage in the prince’s kingdom invites the villainess to a local village’s blessing ritual, secure in the knowledge that it’s not only custom to wear the absolute palest white or undyed linen/woolen clothing one owns, it’s a requirement of the ritual and sacrilegious to do otherwise. Let’s see you deal with that miss all-black-wardrobe.

She arrives in diaphanous white silk edged with lace that gives the impression of beautifully tattered hems, all of it drifting gently around her on the spring breeze to give the feeling of a wraith from a haunted castle or something of the such. While not her personal cup of tea, she finds the ritual very moving, and absolutely understands why its one of her beloathed’s favorites.

One of the nobles from her kingdom, meanwhile, decides, fuck it, and just turns the prince into a frog. It takes her two minutes to find and fix him.

Villain noble: How.

Villainess: True love’s kiss, bitch.

Villain noble: (seethes)

The prince, meanwhile, pissed off the entire villainous court for the recent engagement ball that was held by knowing and responding accordingly to all the proper threats and insults. He studied before doing this, and he’s not going to shame darling in front of her peers! Bastard even managed to subdue his chivalry long enough to flirt with one of her friends right in front of her, how dare he be so considerate and sensitive to her needs like that-!?

[greentrickster]

First time the Prince finds out Villainess can transform into a gigantic fire-breathing dragon is a very O_OU moment for him.

Villainess: Are you surprised I can? It’s a common ability.

Prince: I didn’t want to assume.

Villainess: …

Prince: (sweats)

Villainess: …you’re picturing me turning into a dragon and riding on my back into battle, aren’t you?

Prince: N-no, no, of course not-!

Villainess: (drapes in his lap) It’s okay, we’d look fantastic. (sly expression) And probably scary enough to get the enemy forces to surrender without any needless bloodshed.

Prince: (sweating) Darling, are you trying to tempt me into putting you into a position where you could be injured in battle?

Villainess: A little. :3 (more seriously) But it is also on the table if we ever need to defend our throne. It’s the sort of thing that form’s for, really.

Prince: If you’re comfortable with it, then very well, it shall be added to the list of acceptable strategies.

(comfortable cuddling for a moment)

Prince: I imagine you make a very majestic dragon.

Villainess: (preening) I really do.

Prince: Perhaps we should have a tapestry done of it, then? It could hang opposite the one of my family’s crest in the throne room when we someday ascend the thrones ourselves.

Villainess: 8O! Beloathed, I would adore a tapestry of that! (cuddles further against him) Oh, and across from your family crest! That would be such a slap in the face to my parents, having a tapestry of me there instead of their own crest.

Prince: (hadn’t thought of it that way, but is happy that she’s happy)

[greentrickster]

Villainess comes in one night thoroughly out of sorts because her stupid cousin’s decided to make a move on her rights to the souls of their ancestors, and the jerk’s competent enough to actually have a potential chance at getting them, too, like he’d even wear the necklace of jewels they’re trapped in-!!!

The Prince listens patiently to her frustration until she’s finished, then considers for a few minutes.

“Darling, about that banquet your family’s having next fortnight - will your cousin be in attendance?”

“Yes, he’ll be using it to lay the groundwork of his plans. Why?”

“Would it be all right if I popped in for a bit? And was rather more… myself than I usually am around your parents?”

“…I suppose it’d be all right.”

“Wonderful!” (kisses her hand) “Perhaps wear those full-arm gloves your friend got you for the event - the ones that allow you to handle blessed objects without them interfering with your dark powers?”

“Well now I’m just curious. I shall do as you request, beloathed.”

The night of he shows up to the banquet positively radiating charm, good will, and benevolence, decked out in full armor that’s glowing slightly. Oh this? It’s the ancestral trappings of one of his relatives who was a champion of the stellar deities, those who guide ones who have become lost in darkness? He’s not a holy champion himself, but he is a fully-realized warrior of light and family, so he’s permitted to wear it at times. Oh yes, he completed his warrior of light trials when he was eighteen, when on a quest and everything! That’s where he earned his sword - it’s actually a shard of sunlight, you know, not metal. That’s why he’s called Prince of the Sun and Stars sometimes - bit of a grandiose title, really, but the artists and poets enjoy playing with the imagery, and who is he to deny them, especially when Darling is so fond of the stars herself! There’s a lass in one of the kingdom’s villages doing a portrait of the two of them together playing with that motif, actually, and it looks like it’s going to to be absolutely lovely when it’s done-

And he continues to be cheerful, charming, and just the nicest, most polite guy for the time he’s there while also reminding everyone in no uncertain terms that, for as long as the forces of evil have been trying to quash the forces of good, his side has been working at the opposite. And his side tends to win more often. And maybe it would be wise not to pick a fight with Darling because he’d hate to have to do battle with a potential in-law in the path of supporting her family’s traditions regarding people who cross them…

Jerk cousin is thoroughly cowed out of making an attempt at the family-filled jewels, and Villainess’s friends are standing with her off to the side going, “Okay, beginning to see what you see in him now.” Villainess herself is walking around with on safely-gloved hand on his arm as he intimidates the hell out of everyone she knows in order to help her protect what’s hers, swooning a little bit inside the whole time.

(Hers might be more diversely applicable, but Villainess isn’t the only one bringing something to the table in terms of power. Prince is generally more useful for things like getting birds to sing in chorus or making friends with bunnies, but his family does specialize in slaying evil. She may be skilled at facing enemies of all sorts, but he’s prepared specifically for anyone in her home court who might try to backstab her.)

[greentrickster]

@ninjakittenarmy  Is the gown made of actual spider silk. Because that sounds fitting, especially since spider silk is actually a really good material.

Princess: “You like it? It’s made of giant spider silk straight from the underdark!”

Prince: Oh uh that’s really- wait, you can make clothes out of spider silk?

Princess: Yeah! It’s really tough too! You can even make light armor out of it.

The two have a several hours long conversation about spider agriculture. The prince receives spider silk under armor as a wedding gift.

Oh my gods, yes, absolutely!

[greentrickster]

@imaginapalminthemorning  #Addams family origin story 

Congratulations, you are officially the smartest person on the entire thread, holy flip-?!?

[greentrickster]

Villainess is chilling in Prince’s court one day and a lady of the court storms up to her in tears, make-up running, and is just, “One of your friends turned my fiance into a newt, a newt, and he fell in the moat before I could catch him and I don’t know how to find him, or how to change him back if I do find him, and the library only has information on frog and bear transformations, and no one knows what to to do and you’re the only person who might know what to do, please help me-!” (bursts into inconsolable tears)

This throws Villainess through a loop, people don’t tend to whole-heartedly throw their trust in others like this at her place, this is super unsettling, so she just responds in the way she usually would, “Oh? And what price are you willing to pay?”

“Anything.”

…ooooooooh that is so, so tempting, why are people in this court so earnest, don’t they realize that the reason the higher nobles are worried about her marriage to their prince is the very real potential that she could use this opportunity to cast their country and its people into a thousand years of ruin and despair, bare minimum…?! But it would make Darling unhappy if she’s too mean about this, so, “How about your dignity, then? First off, we’ll have to get you out of that dress…” (seductive smirk and cock of the hips)

Court lady: (still in tears but hands immediately go to her bodice laces to start undoing)

Villainess: (grabbing her hands) OKAY, WHOA, HOLD UP, WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF COURT, HAVE SOME STANDARDS!!! Just- just go put on something you don’t mind getting all messed up, we’re going to have to get in the moat a bit for this, and even the edges are all muddy.

Court lady: Oh. (sniffles) Okay. Thank-you.

They spend the next three hours dredging around the moat to find the right newt and then perform the right ceremony to turn him human again. He appears naked and covered in mud and court lady unabashedly flings herself into his arms, sobbing in relief this time, and it’s disgustingly wholesome and romantic.

Newt Lordling: (once he’s finished doing a bit of sobbing of his own into his fiance’s hair) Wait, aren’t you Neskatina’s friend? Could you tell her that my sister likes daffodils? Girls, and daffodils? I tried to tell her myself, but the newt thing happened before I could get past asking her to stop with the threatening letters. We- we really don’t send those around here unless we mean it, she’s been finding it a bit upsetting. Daffodils would be much better received.

Villainess: …noted.

[greentrickster]

I thought about them more and… there’s no way Court Lady isn’t going to decide to be friends with Villainess after all this, is there? She helped her save her fiance when she thought him lost to her forever and had nowhere else to turn, they did what amounts to a mini quest together, they’re friends now. Villainess has no idea how to handle it when the next court function comes along and Court Lady scampers over (tear-free this time) and proceeds to spend a decent amount of the evening with her just being… so unabashedly friendly. It’s unnerving.

Prince: She’s grateful to you and wants to be friends.

Villainess: (glowering suspiciously) Sounds fake.

Prince: She thinks you’re nice.

Villainess: Disgusting.

She still goes when Court Lady invites her on a trip to the meadows with some of the other ladies to pick greens, all of them surprised by the discovery that going out to gather flowers and useful herbs and such is something ladies from both courts do from time to time (though for very different reasons). It’s common sense to wear an older outfit that’s all right to get a bit grass- or mud-stained (ladies from the Prince’s court call them their ‘daisy dresses,’ Villainess and her friends call them ‘gathering gowns’), and Villainess is kind of shocked that the pretty nobles from her beloathed’s court do this sort of thing.

The ladies all titter, then it’s story time, because you can bet most of them have a heroic/clever/wise relative somewhere in the family tree who was born a peasant and married or gained nobility for some feat or other, and it’s fun to have someone new in the group who hasn’t heard all the stories before. Villainess is surprised again, because she does actually know some of these stories, but from the relatives of the villain involved (usually told in a ‘you’ll never guess what so-and-so’s idiot relative got thwarted over’ sort of tone). Going on outings like this helps you stay connected to your roots!

Also, Court Lady turns out to be the daughter of the royal apothecary and has a deep knowledge of the properties of various mushrooms. She even knows about poisons because they’re used in medicine sometimes. Villainess might be starting to like her as a person.

Another lady finds a patch of old teasels and braids them into a crown for Villainess, because “They’re all dark and spiky, and about the same colour as your daisy dr- ah, your gathering gown! We tend to make each other flower crowns when we go out, but I thought you might like these better.”

Villainess: …won’t they get deceptively yet horribly tangled in my hair, making the crown stay on well but an absolute nightmare to take off?

Lady: (terrified that she’s judged wrong) Yes…?

Villainess: (trying so hard not to be horribly touched, she’s just allergic to all these non-lethal flowers, that’s why she’s suddenly feeling sniffly) That’s really thoughtful of you.

[greentrickster]

To get a touch spicy - both are shocked to discover that their fiance is under the belief that the alignment they’re not a part of invented bondage.

Prince: It had to have been a villain that invented it, your side’s the one that gets all clever with ropes and knots and everything!

Villainess: No no no, it must have been your side, because safe words and after care!

They are both very perplexed, but also in absolute agreement that they will not be asking their parents about this.

(Because why go with the trope ‘good folks are vanilla in bed and evil folks are spicy’ when you could go with ‘actually one’s moral alignment has no effect on what they’re into in bed and actually it’s a pretty even division of spiciness levels all around’ and have both groups get tripped up by the discovery?)

[greentrickster]

@moviegirlsincedisney​   #amazing #I need comics and books and a tv show #also I imagine after neskatina has sent a bouquet of daffodils with a black ribbon binding them together #she receives a letter threatening her for turning the lordling into a newt from the sister #It’s filled with scathing comments the likes of which neskatina has never heard from the lips of the Good Folk #at the end of the letter written in tiny print is a post script saying ‘did I do it right? you’re cute’ #Neskatina is disturbed when instead of ruining the effect of the whole letter she is instead only further endeared

^Yes, all of this, good, canon!!!

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

This has gotten infinitely better since the last time I saw it.

[frothlad]

It’s the fantasy equivalent of Ensign Stabby.

[greentrickster]

You just- just came for me like that, right from the hip, didn’t even blink, I’m never going to recover and I’m so flattered, thank-you!

[thegeniusidiotnstickmerchant3728]

[Image ID:] A short comic of someone with pointy ears wearing a hat reading something from their laptop, which results in them pulling their hat over their head and screaming. [End ID]

[hurdy-girly]

There’s that semi-common trope in a lot of stuff where the King’s advisor turns out to be super evil, right? I imagine that could play back into this, where the Prince’s father’s advisor is like. Visibly evil and malicious and conniving, complete with backhanded comments and an unsettling name. And Villainess finally meets him and realizes this immediately. She personally finds him to be one of the most tolerable people in the castle, but she is a bit concerned that the Prince doesn’t know and that this man could cause some out of place stress to her Beloathed. Eventually she decides to tell him, and so later that night she asks about it.

Villainess: Beloathed, what do you think of your father’s advisor?

Prince: Him? Oh, he’s been with the family since my father was a boy. He practically raised Father when my grandfather fell ill. We are lucky to have him with us.

Villainess: …are you aware that he’s evil?

Prince: Hm? Oh, yes.

Villainess, now a bit confused: And you haven’t removed him from the job? I would have assumed that your people would not tolerate this kind of darkness, especially so close to power.

Prince, shrugging: It’s kind of a tradition, to be honest. The King’s advisors have all been evil for… well, centuries now. It’s something that mostly goes unspoken. The position tends to corrupt people. Eventually he will reveal a daring plot, and I will defeat him to protect the light and discover something new about the side of good.

Villainess: Hmm. I suppose that makes sense.

And later on the Villainess begins to foil the advisor’s plans, mostly because all of them are mediocre and her beloathed deserves a much more challenging trial than that. The Prince is touched that the Villainess is putting this much attention into such a small, unspoken tradition. The advisor is very confused and upset because “what do you mean that was a bad plan, I even included poison!”

[radwolf76]

you KICK cathulhu? you kick her e̵l̷d̶r̸i̵t̷c̸h̵ ̴f̴o̵r̸m̸ like ye olde foote ball? oh! oh! dungeon for prince! dungeon for prince for a̸̧̪͑ ̶̨͍̐͑t̸͎͒͊h̵͆̔ͅo̷͙͎̿ǔ̴̞͔ṣ̶̜̔͠a̵̭͗͜n̴̰̜̍̒d̴̘͂ ̷̙̗͐y̴͓͐͜e̵̗̓̏a̶̳͎͂r̵͚̈́́ś̵͎͊!

[quilldesignz]

[greentrickster]

8O!!! GUYS, ANOTHER SET OF DESIGNS FOR THESE TWO JUST DROPPED AND THEY’RE GORGEOUS!!!! How is everyone who draws these two so good at character design, holy flip, she looks so elegant and menacing, and the design of his armor is fan-

(notices his hand)

Is- oh gods, he’s wearing a ring in the same colour as her jewels, oh that’s such a beautiful, subtle little touch, I love it!

(Also, one of the odd little things I like best about this piece? Somehow these versions of the couple just look like they’d get along with @nananarc’s version of them. They’re both very distinct takes, but they all feel like they could inhabit the same world, which I choose to interpret as both artists managing to fully encapsulate the vibe of this setting and its characters while also putting their own spins on it. Wonderful!)

[nananarc]

Hell yeh they’s totally get along!!! *insert spiderman meme here

(full art)

[EssaGandana]

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

Say that the winds won't change on us~♡

[EssaGandana]

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

Surface Pressure

[EssaGandana]

[zarnzarn]

The doors to Olympus are sturdy and strong, given everyone's preferences for drama and slamming said doors open and sending them cracking into the wall whenever the opportunity arises. Which is why it's a surprise when they creak open during the once-a-decade pantheon meeting; less so because no entity worth their salt would take so long to open the doors, and more so because everyone who is anyone is already there.

But if everyone is being honest with themselves- which no one is, usually- these gatherings are boring enough that the bland conversation is dropped immediately in favour of craning their necks to catch a glimpse of whatever is coming to relieve them of their boredom.

When the doors finally open however, several of the pantheon murmur in surprise.

"Odysseus," Athena whispers, wide-eyed as she pushes herself off her throne to her feet. It is him- in the king's garb he was buried in, hair long and grey, face oddly blank. His feet are transparent.

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[EssaGandana]

[zarnzarn]

Athena shoots upright as soon as her eyes fly open, gasping. She calls on her spear and slashes in a brutal curve, provoking shouts from the enemies who'd been holding her down as they back off. Bares her teeth in a snarl as she grabs the sheets off the bed to whip at the eyes of the assailants and-

Light floods into her eyes as they step away from her attack and she freezes as she remembers a flash of brightness too fast to escape, heat and burning like never before, electricity that seeped into her very bones, thunder that deafened, lightning that hurt-

"Get back!" She hears and turns unsteadily back to- back to where Apollo is pulling Ares back by the cape against the far wall. Apollo. Ares. Aphrodite, Aephestus, Artemis.

"Wh-" She manages, before she's bowled over, coughing. She has never done it before, and she can't stop it from happening- chest rattling as her knees give out, barely holding herself up with her spear in time to reach the bed. It doesn't stop, doesn't stop, plumes of smoke escaping her mouth as she can't stop, can't breathe-

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